The downward spiral
Yesterday all of my negative emotions just piled up into a crying session. Since we've moved I haven't found much happiness. I'm sure everyone has been through this, especially if you are a military spouse. I get excited to move and start a new chapter but the transition just drains me.
Although our situation has improved immensely I still have so many things just wearing at my emotions.
1. I have gained 20lbs from eating American food! As if my body needed to carry around the extra weight. Its possible stress has helped the fat stick to me but regardless it has had a serious effect on my health especially my back, which now hurts when I sit or stand for too long. It is also very hard to get outside and exercise, not only does it feel like 100 degrees everyday but there are no trails nearby that I have found and it would take me at least 30 min to get to the gym.
2. I have no friends. Now that I am not taking photography clients I am not meeting anyone. When I go to my college classes I'm around people who probably view me as an old lady so no luck meeting anyone there. I so desperately need a coffee date with someone who shares the same interests. Its hard to be an introvert and make friends. I probably need to do some research and find some groups to join or sign up for PTA to give myself some opportunities, but gosh its always been hard for me to meet people with my quiet personality!
3. My kids are both in school all day. Well, when we lived in Germany they went to the German Kindergarten, but that was only 5 hours. Now they go to school from 7:30 till about 4:30. I put them in after school care for the days that I go to classes but I have been so busy with projects outside of class that I find myself working on them all day and so they get picked up later than earlier. So all day its just me and the dog.
4. The traffic here is INSANE. I grew up in the country and have never lived in a place with such a huge population. I used to drive down country roads with the windows down and the music up when I needed to chill. Now I get stuck in bumper to bumper traffic and it takes way too long to get anywhere and stresses me right out! When I go to the store I take back roads to the shopping center, which is further away than the one near my neighborhood, just to avoid the traffic!
And I could keep going but I think that gives you the idea. The husband keeps reminding me that this depression happened last time we moved but I ended up loving Germany. People keep telling me I will learn to love it here but so far I have found nothing I enjoy about San Antonio. I do try to stay positive for the most part, for my family, and I will push forward because I have no other choice. And I hope one day I will look back at this post and laugh at how emotional I was over nothing, because Im going to change my health, make some friends, and find some things in this place that make me happy :) Heres to tomorrow!